Dance of Souls . . . My First Time

Dance of Souls. Flesh hooks. Drums. Piercing. Pulling. Dance of Souls.

This is something I’ve considered in years past, but been too fearful to try alone. It just didn’t seem right to do this on my own. Then Sir and I saw Cookie Haworth do a hook suspension demo/scene. That changed everything. We’ve been planning to be hooked ever since, and have both looked forward to the Dance.

First, I should say that I’ve never played with needles nor have I ever had anything pierced besides my ears when I was a kid. Sir cuts me and feeds from me, but I knew that the piercing would be different from a scalpel. I really had no idea what to expect it top feel like, and the thought made me a bit anxious at times. But I was determined to do this, and so did not allow my anxiety to stop me.

We both chose to have Master Archer do our piercing. And I’m so glad that we did. I sat in the chair and Sir squatted down next to me, while Elegant held my hair, rubbed my shoulders, and covered my ear when the girl next to me began to cry and scream. With both Master Archer and Elegant telling me when to breathe in and out, and Sir breathing for me in my ear, I first closed my eyes to relax, then opened them to watch Master Archer’s face. At one point, I glanced down to peek at what he was doing. The needle in his hand looked like a huge nail. I looked back up at him and did not look down again.

When the needle went into my left upper chest, I groaned a bit, and Elegant made me giggle by reminding me of the breathing and grunts and groans of childbirth with no anesthesia. Did it hurt? Yes, it did. But not in the ways I was expecting and had built up in my mind. It was more of a burning, stinging pressure type of pain. And I can’t really do it justice in description. When he was finished with the first one, I realized that I had built this up in my mind to be something so much more painful than it truly was. The right upper chest didn’t seem nearly as painful as the left. And then we were done. I was pierced. Wow.

I got out of the chair for Sir to sit, walked to his left side and knelt at his order. I was happily floating, holding onto Sir when the hot flash hit me. My body suffused with heat, I could feel myself begin to sweat, and my head felt as if it were floating off of my body. I said, “Sir, I need to sit on my butt, is that okay with you?” while plopping down onto my butt. Everything stopped while Master Archer, Elegant and Sir all turned their attention to me sitting on the floor. Elegant pushed my head down to lean on Sir’s leg. I realized that the adrenaline hit me like a huge head rush. I was a bit shaky for the full of Sir’s piercing, which I hated. I wanted to be ‘with’ him as he was ‘with’ me, but it wasn’t meant to be. I felt like a huge failure. Maybe I wasn’t cut out to do this after all. Too wimpy.

I got my legs under me and stood so that we could Master Archer could move on to the next person. They told me I could sit until I was ready, but I absolutely hate being in the way. So I got up, felt steady enough to walk, and moved along. We walked to the end where we were to get rope and carabineers and I again had to sit. Had I only had a cool rag, I would have been able to recover more quickly. I sat while slave jan attended to others, kindly giving me a minute to collect myself. She was so sweet and gentle. Perfect for where my head was at the time. Sir requested green for me and blue for himself. He then requested an additional piece of rope and carabineer. I had no idea why.

We slowly walked away, all of his focus on me and making sure I was okay. I was still feeling like a wimp and worrying about lessening his experience with my being wimpy. He didn’t let that happen. I knew right then that I was not going to be able to pull the way I saw so many others doing. And I knew that he was dying to pull. I had a battle going on inside me – should I step away and let him join the others so that he could get the full experience? He wouldn’t allow it.

We first walked over to the large wooden structure in the center of the room. Sir tied the extra rope to the chain and hooked the extra carabineer to it, then took both mine and his, hooking us all together. Instead of pulling, he wrapped his arms around me and we rocked with the drums. I closed my eyes, laid my head on his shoulder, and let the drums move through me. We stayed there, gently swaying in each others arms, for quite awhile, one with each other. Sir began a very private, personal prayer, and then I joined in.

We then took a break. The energy with so many in the room becomes overwhelming for me after awhile and I need to step away from it. I hated in that moment that I’m a rule follower. I was wishing for my phone so that I could take pictures of both of us with the hooks in. Next time, I vowed, I’ll have my phone with the bag check girls so that I can get a picture. Too bad a photographer wasn’t available. Oh well.

Sir pulled a bit, while I enjoyed watching and just experiencing the energy in the room. We hooked up with a group of friends, him pulling, me just testing the tension a bit. I never truly pulled, but I did tense the line a bit to get the feeling of it. We shared our energy with a couple of special friends, but spent most of the Dance on the edges rather than in the thick of things. But that is how I prefer it. Later, I had to sit quietly. We found a chair for Sir to sit in, I sat at his feet leaning back on him, and we just … I’m not sure what the right word is here. We weren’t just sitting, we weren’t really relaxing. We were both sitting holding hands, eyes closed, each with our own thoughts, feeling the drums move through us and in tune with each other. It was a truly calming, centering, rejuvenating experience.

And then we were ready to be done. We went back to Master Archer to have the hooks removed. A little stingy, but not so bad. Sir snuck a couple of licks of blood off of me. He’s kinda bad like that. But the situation definitely warranted it.

When it was over, I felt…a little lost. I knew that Sir wanted to pull, he got to do that with his friend, but not with me. Did that lessen his experience? Was I more of a hindrance to him in this experience? He assured me that was not the case. The experience of being hooked, of the amazing drums, of the sharing of energy with people we love, and the sharing of a special experience between ourselves, all made the Dance something wonderful for me. I’m proud of myself for following through with hooks, for going all the way with it. I was bothered by the fact that I wasn’t brave enough to pull. But it’s okay that I wasn’t. I was brave enough to be pierced without ever having been pierced by anything before. That’s a huge limit passed. And so I’m good with what I did. I feel good about the entire experience.

Will I do it again next year? I’d like to. But we’ll have to see where we both are with it. When October rolls around, we’ll register for the Dance. And January will determine whether we both do it again or not. And next time I’ll be more prepared for my own reaction.

Thank you to everyone who shared in this experience with us. You are all very special to both of us and we love you.

 

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