What is a slave? Is it me?

For many years when I was first exploring life as a submissive, I was always quick to tell people, “I’m submissive but not a slave.” In fact, that was my tagline online for a long time. I thought slaves were mindless, weak-willed creatures who didn’t have original thoughts. Doormats. And I wasn’t about to become one of them.

Then I began to meet slaves who were powerful, thoughtful people. I learned from them that slave did not equal doormat. That slaves could be powerful, empowered, intelligent people. And I began to meet masters who desired powerful, intelligent slaves. I learned from them that to become enslaved was to become empowered and free. And so began my new path. Continue reading

Conversations and growth . . .

I had a couple of opportunities this week that reminded me of how powerful it can be to just talk with other slaves whose paths are similar to my own. To listen to their stories, hear my own path in their words, and think about my journey in new and different ways. It’s something I don’t take the time to do very often.

Life gets busy, I get bogged down with life stresses, and then just sort of hibernate, as an introvert is wont to do. I think, “I want to go to that discussion,” but then I’m so tired or just feeling overwhelmed by life, and I make the decision to stay home and just rest or do the chores that have been put on the back burner. I forget that sometimes recharging means visiting with others and not just sitting in my own space. Continue reading

Does one who submits risk losing ‘self’?

I had an interesting conversation with a friend this week that has really been on my mind the last couple of days. Her question was basically how can you submit without losing who you are, losing yourself? How, indeed.

When I first made the decision to specifically seek what is commonly called a power-based dynamic, the one thing I worried about was losing myself the way I had in my abusive marriage. I was married to a clinical narcissist who was psychologically, emotionally, and verbally abusive. He was insidious in his abuse, and over the course of our 12-year relationship, I really lost who I was. I was slowly manipulated and in a lot of ways brainwashed. That is what long-term abuse will do to you. It’s slow and insidious. Continue reading

How Do I Know I am a slave

I have been asked a question that has led me to some rather deep introspection. And so I decided to answer her question in the form of a journal entry rather than just respond lightly to her question.

How do you know you are ‘slave’?

That was not an easy question for me for a long time, as I was terribly opposed to the use of the word ‘slave’ in association with myself. I was careful to always put on my online profile “submissive but not a slave”. And when someone would tell me I wasn’t submissive enough, I would tell him maybe it was a slave he was seeking. A feminist can’t be a slave. A slave is just a robot who does what she’s told. A slave has no thoughts of her own. All of these were things that I thought of when I thought of a slave. I had no idea what I was talking about. Continue reading

I will never qualify as a ‘twu’ slave

I will never qualify as a ‘twu’ slave, according to the internet.

When you live with someone, no matter the dynamic, things like PMS, work, teenagers, family, and just plain snarky moods happen. I strive for perfection, but live in reality.

That means sometimes I’m snarky, sometimes I don’t do my job, sometimes I’m not respectful in my demeanor. Continue reading

Southwest Leather Conference 2012

I’ve been sitting here this morning kind of in some zone, coming down from the incredible weekend. I can feel myself dropping, but it’s not a negative drop in any way. It’s sort of a processing kind of drop.

Master Onye’s words keep going through my head: “You are in exactly the right place at exactly the right time.” Oh, how amazingly true  those words were for me this weekend. Continue reading

What is Transparency?

The dictionary defines ‘transparency’ as “the quality or state of being transparent.” Transparent is defined as “easy to see through, understand, or recognize; obvious.”

How does that correlate to being transparent in a relationship? Ultimate relationship transparency means that you reveal all of your true self to your partner. Nothing hidden. It creates a deeper intimacy as you reveal all of who you are. Does it mean you tell him what you had for breakfast this morning, what you did with your free time? Only if he wants to know that information. Some dominants do want to know every minute of your day. Some even require a written list of everything you did today, everyone you spoke to, every single thought in your head. Continue reading

What is Due Diligence?

You will see me use the phrase ‘due diligence’ a lot in my writing. It is something I believe in very strongly. And something that most people don’t do, which always just amazes me. In both the online world and in real life, I see dominants and submissives both jumping into all of this D/s stuff and ignoring all other details of life. They talk about the submission and the BDSM, and of course, the sex. But they don’t talk about things like jobs and kids and money and religion and ethics and values and morals and beliefs. And so what I see happen time and time again is that this collaring or relationship lasts about 6 weeks, which is long enough for everyone to get their rocks off before the image begins to tarnish and real life rears its ugly head. Continue reading

Slaves and Limits…Is There Such a Thing?

This post was prompted by a post on Fetlife asking about slaves and limits – not doing things just because the D-type gets enjoyment from it, but because things have a purpose.

Slavery isn’t about limits or doing things just because. Slavery for me is about surrendering to the will of another. When you surrender to the will of another, it no longer is about you, it’s about that other person. If you’re looking for ‘safe’ in that you won’t be asked to do things you don’t like or don’t want to do, then slavery isn’t for you, no matter with whom you partner. Sometimes it IS about “because I said so”. Sometimes it IS about “because I can”. That entertains him, which pleases him. Sometimes it IS about pushing a limit. Sometimes it IS about doing something outside of your comfort zone. The point isn’t specifically about the act itself, it is about obedience and ownership. Continue reading